confessions of a cubicle queen, or the secret scary obsessions of corporate america

i intend for this to be an ongoing series from my various temping extravaganzas. and keep in mind that these people choose to spend their money in this way. and some of these things may be old hat to those of you who've worked in a similar office before, but this is my first rodeo.

so far at this new gig, the most noteworthy cubicles i've seen here so far (out of a possible 2500, which is bigger than oberlin college, for the record) are as follows-

the kids/grandkids/pets cubes-

there are many of these. cubes that are Plastered, every inch, with pictures of the cube dweller's children and/or grandchildren. various shots of graduations, weddings, with santa claus, etc. that or their pets doing various things, some even in costume (come on, i am not even that bad with LunaSneeze). pictures are fastened by push pin, glue, tape, magnets or framed on every surface in their little cell. they have little notes with smiley faces and the like attached, or dates, or flowers. it's like a million eyes Staring at you.
this may be to remind the inhabitants not to commit suicide, but i am unsure.

the self cube-

same as the kid cube, except all of the pictures are of the inhabitant, as if they don't know what they look like. most also have mirrors- inside the cube.
i've seen enough of these to be afraid.

the empty cube-

nothing in there but the dude, a phone, a computer. nothing else. and i mean Nothing, not so much as a paper clip. i may throw one in there if i walk by and he's gone just to see what happens.

the wind chime cube-

she's got at least fifty in there, of various sizes, shapes, and number of chimes, and even a few on the outside of the cube, too. did i mention we are inside and the windows don't open?

the birdhouse cube-

empty! all empty! and again, various sizes, colors, and shapes, on every available flat surface, and some inexplicably attached to the walls of the cube. i can't help but wonder whether she and wind chime lady are friends. they could combine forces, get cubicles next to each other, and now, That would be something.

the Bon Jovi cube-

'nuff said.

and by far and away, the worst, the most terrifying, to the point that i won't even walk past it anymore...

the clown cubicle, or the clownicle, as J called it.

clowns- evil, awful, demonic clowns EVERYWHERE. figurines, posters, pictures, mugs, dolls, frames, toys, and i think i may have seen an actual clown mask. every size, every color, every type of clown, from your Bozo type to the sort of 20's homeless looking sad one. little cars for them! some are juggling, some on old timey bikes, happy, sad, movable, immovable, ceramic, plastic, cloth, glass, you name it. all bloody FRIGHTENING. and if that's not enough, they've spilled over, Out Of the cube, onto the floor outside the opening to it at the edge of the aisle, and onto the filing cabinets adjacent to it, so even if you try to just walk by, you have to physically avoid them. there are even a few hanging from the ceiling like trapeze artists. if there are only 500 in there, i'd be shocked. i have no idea who the cube inhabitant is, and i don't want to know, because he or she is probably Totally Psychotic, and i'd just as soon stay right here.
double yikes.



Erin said...

You know, the self-cube is the scariest one on that list...

blindhope said...

you haven't see the clowns. CLOWNS, Erin!!


Ruth said...

The clown cube and the self-cube are vying for 1st place, but if I had to guess, I'd say the clown cube would win. Jebus it sounds so unbelievably frightening. Clowns are ... remember IT, by Stephen King? Well, the clown being the actual IT would have been far scarier than what it turned out to be. Disappointing ending from an otherwise phenomenally terrifying book.
I love this series, sis. Can't wait to read more.

blindhope said...

wait until i get pictures of the mother of them all which i saw today.
in fact, i'm writing on my hand to remember my camera right now....