i'm back, baby!

ok, i got the comcast back, but still don't have new neighbors. anyone looking for a place to live? i also managed to sign up as a new customer and got all the promotion deals, so that's pretty cool.

this is going to be a self absorbed post, fyi. but then again, isn't a blog self absorbed by its nature?

so, a lot of people tell me that being unemployed sounds like you'd have a lot of time off and that's great, etc., but let me clue you in- you're WRONG. when people imagine being off work, they don't imagine not having money and looking for a job, and constantly having those two things on your mind. result? boredom. complete, total boredom. because yeah, you've got time to do stuff, but you don't have money. and everything costs money- everything. if you drive anywhere, that's money. you're in your house with the tv on, money. you have to have a computer and cell phone to find a job these days, money. if you write letters and mail them, money. i'm glad there is a library within walking distance of me, because that's about the only free thing i know (but then again, lights to read by cost money!) and gas is SO expensive, you must Seriously consider every trip you take. no joke. and you're pretty much terrified and stressed all the time, because you have no way of knowing when this will all end, or how. in the meantime, yes, i read, work on my book, look for a job (of course), and exercise. but i tell you this- that doesn't take up 16 hours of waking life for seven months. i've watched more tv in the last half year than i care to admit. i think i can recite entire episodes of 'full house.' thank god we have on demand now.

and for the record or those of you who've never had to do it or have forgotten- looking for a job SUCKs. it's not like looking for a grad school or a summer thing between semesters or worrying about who will publish your work. it just isn't. in the words of Jerry Maguire, it is a 'pride swallowing siege that i will never fully tell you about.' it's basically prostitution without having sex, and i'm Not comfortable talking about myself in that way (playing up yourself and accomplishments to get a job from someone who is JUDGING YOU.). and feeling like you are busting your ass with no results blows goats. i've been to seven staffing agencies. my resume is in the hands of damn near everyone i know. i look online and have posted on every single website i know. i go on interviews whenever i'm offered them. i work a part time job i hate and substitute teach everything i can. i've exhausted six bloody months worth of state unemployment. and the lovely monkey in charge cut the federal.

and at the end, i have no choice but to keep on keepin' on.

also, they had to shut down my gym because they found 'undisturbed' asbestos. Great. so i've had to go to other gyms and go without my classes. however, Andrew was kind enough to make up one at his house for us, and there are classes on the comcast thing i'm going to try.


really, i have nothing to complain about. i've managed to get through all of this and not lose my home or ask anyone for money. i've mostly kept my head down and done what could. when it rains, it pours. but i can say this- maybe it's better this is happening to me, because i'm getting through it, and maybe someone else out there would not have made it. i'm not hungry, cold, or unloved.

maybe god didn't forget about me.


xoxox